Written by: Reah R. Hagues, Executive Contributor
Executive Contributors at Brainz Magazine are handpicked and invited to contribute because of their knowledge and valuable insight within their area of expertise.
The holiday season can be filled with all of the emotions. From happiness to sadness and all the feels in between, the holidays can be a time to celebrate and a time to grieve; most often both!
This article will provide you with 5 steps to navigating holiday grief
'Tis the season
The holiday season generally consists of October to March as these months include larger holidays like Halloween, Thanksgiving, Christmas, New Year, Valentine's, and Easter. They also contain holidays like St. Patrick's Day & Martin Luther King Day. Seemingly, these months seem to be the largest time for feelings of grief, sadness, anxiety, and stress due to these holidays largely containing family gatherings and gift/tradition exchange as Thanksgiving and Easter contain tradition/gathering, Christmas contains tradition/gathering/gift exchange, and Valentine's contains tradition/gifting. Christmas and Valentine's seem to be largely decorated for almost everywhere in the United States which makes the holiday presence even more apparent. Holiday gatherings can be difficult for some who have lost a loved one, family traditions have changed, or whose beliefs/views have changed affecting religious/spiritual practice. Among these reasons, it is common that one or more will apply to a multitude of holiday season participants.
Why grief
Remember 3 things: You aren't broken, you don't need fixing, and you shouldn't have to do this alone. It's okay to not be okay (Burns, 2023). Death, lifestyle change, tradition change, financial strain, illness/injury, strained relationships, emotional strain, mental health decline, and inability to maintain plans are all reasons people become stressed during the holidays. Death, tradition, finances, and health are the top stressors that can lead to feelings of grief. Losing a loved one whether it be right before the holidays or years before even, can take a toll on mental and emotional wellbeing. This can impact the will to even be around those who bring you joy, let alone navigate situations that may seem overwhelming or difficult. It is important to remember to let yourself feel the emotions that come with loss and difficult change, experience the positive moments, and understand how to navigate the negative ones. These next five steps will help you to do just that!
Five navigation steps
Allow yourself to feel. The most realistic and best way to address grief during the holidays is to acknowledge it. Don't bottle it up. Even go so far as to tell others that you're having a hard time and ask them to have patience with you (Burns, 2023).
Focus on happy memories. Photos used to be difficult for me with loss, it was hard to look at them while other family members flooded their social media pages with photos because it helped them grieve. It took me a while to understand it, but I now know that it helps to heal and feel like the person is still with you. Celebrating traditions in honor of people who have passed can be a helpful way to grieve them. So, sit their photo on the mantel, post photos celebrating their achievements, watch old videos of happy moments, etc. to keep their positive memories close to your heart.
Give yourself patience. We seem to feel grief the most during the holidays because of the memories and the wish that our loved one/s were still here to celebrate with us as they have in the past. That's the surface. The holidays make grief stand out. We are all supposed to be jolly, merry, and happy. We wish each other a Merry Christmas or Happy Holidays. We decorate our homes and ourselves in festive colors, lights, and tinsel. Grief likes the dark, the shadowy corner of the room, the gloom of a gray sky, or a rainy day. There's a clash between grief and sometimes forced happiness that seems so abundant that those who are grieving feel out of sync with the rest of the world (Burns, 2023). Give yourself the patience to feel, process, understand, and respect your own wishes.
Say no to overwhelming activities. Don't force yourself to try to feel the "holiday spirit." Very few of us actually feel that; we just don't like admitting it. Holiday spirit is not a single emotion. Just as grief, it's a hodgepodge mix of a bunch of emotions all jumbled up together. And just like grief, it's different for everyone and it can't be forced (Burns, 2023). If you are not feeling up to an activity, it is absolutely okay to decline or cancel. Replace the activity with something comfortable and healthy for you even if it is sitting at home curled up with a blanket watching a happy movie.
Surround yourself with support. It is especially important to have a support system during the holidays. It's always important, but especially at this time of year when your emotions are so close to the surface and wanting to break free at any given moment. Having a person, or more than one person, to listen to us, to hold us when we cry, to give us the freedom and space to express our emotions without judgment or feeling the need to fix us is probably the best Christmas present that someone who is grieving can receive.
Summary
The holidays can bring up grief for many reasons. It can be difficult to navigate when you are unsure or lack the tools to do so. Allowing yourself to feel, giving yourself patience, saying no, surrounding yourself with support, and focusing on the happy are five ways you can navigate through. The holiday season may be tough, but you are tougher than you know. We wish you a happy, healthy, and successful season!
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Reah R. Hagues, Executive Contributor Brainz Magazine
Reah is a wife to Quintin and a mother to 5 humans and 3 pets. She is the daughter of Kim (or Ma to her), and big sister to Raven. Reah has earned multiple degrees including a Bachelor's degree in Christian studies, Master's degree in Psychology, Master's degree in Holistic Mental Health and Wellness (with emphasis on family dynamics), and a Master's level certification in Life Coaching.
Reference:
Burns, C. (2023). https://www.cindyjburns.com.
